I’m out

So, I told the whole world that I’m pregnant. I announced to my local face*book mom’s group after the first US, cause many were guessing, and many knew we were in cycle. My family found out at New Years. Around 10 weeks, after our second ultrasound I started telling many patients when they came in. It’s my damn business, no one can fire me for being pregnant, so I can tell when I want. I suspect some will feel bad about coming in in 5 months when I’m still working, but they will get over it. I worked till 39.5 with BoC and I plan on doing the same (albeit decreased hours) with this one.

It wasn’t a secret, but it was not public on face*book and I wasn’t blogging publicly about it. Every time I asked S2 when I could spill, he looked at me and said things like “face*book scares me”. I’m not sure why… because I have things on secure lockdown, but I guess he’s weird. So… anyway, after a weekend away with friends (celebrating the 6th birthday of a dear friends daughter who was born at 25 weeks and died 5 months later) he finally relented and said I could go public.

This blog isn’t about raising a child with Autism, and it probably never will be, that’s what my public blog is for, and no I won’t link you. However, since I’m guessing most people here don’t know what it’s like I’ll tell you a little about my BoC. She has language, but not a lot. She can answer questions, and ask them and talk to me (when she wants to), but she doesn’t have conversations. She’s emotionally, developmentally and socially behind her peers. She’s also amazing, and the most loving child I’ve ever met. At this point we’d talked about having a baby in front of her, but not said much specifically, and I’d never once mentioned that I was growing one in my belly. However, since my work is primarily with newborns and pregnant women, she’d seen plenty of them when she was in the office with me, or when pregnant friends would come to visit. So when it was time to go public, I had to tell this story:

A few nights ago I was putting BoC to bed. Usually she likes to lay next to me with her head on my lap, or holding my hand. This night she wanted to curl up in my arms. I was stroking her head, whispering “BoC, you’re going to be a big sister! we’re going to have a baby!” Without a word, she crawled off my lap, pulled my shirt up and rubbed my belly a few times. Then she leaned in, kissed where her future sibling is growing and then reached up and kissed me on the cheek. She curled up in my lap and went to sleep. 

Lets just say, it was well received. I’m out, and strangely it feels good. Of course yesterday I panicked and texted my midwife to come over for a heartbeat check (it’s all good) but I expect moments of fear/needing reassurance.

Thirteen weeks, three days. This is real.

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~ by zeneggs on February 14, 2012.

One Response to “I’m out”

  1. I was basically a second parent to my little brother. He is extremely mentally and physically delayed, but not classified. He has bits and pieces of autism, downs and a few others. He is the sweetest. Taking care of him is the most rewarding thing and he has taught me so much and taken care of me.

    Your story touched me and made me cry. She is so sweet. It reminds me of how badly I can’t wait to tell my brother he is going to be an Uncle when I finally get pregnant.

    Glad your pregnancy is going well.

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