Hello, can I get a hall pass, please?

Saturday marked 11 weeks. The nausea had subsided and the end of the first trimester was almost in sight. And then there was pink on the toilet paper. Ok, no need to panic, well I rarely panic so, I didn’t.

And then there was red on the toilet paper. I texted the midwife, told her I wasn’t panicking, but could we pop in for a listen? We went over late afternoon, before a quick sushi dinner… but at 11 weeks when you have a retroverted uterus, it’s not easy to hear a tiny little baby. We heard nothing. At dinner, the nausea came back and so did my confidence.

Sunday dawned with nary a drop of blood so I resumed my status as happily pregnant woman.

Monday, as I adjusted my first patient I heard a *snap* and realized my crane pendant had gotten trapped under an elbow and was broken. An hour later there was blood on the toilet paper. An omen?  Egads.

Every wipe left a trail of red, and by the third time, I reached for the phone and called my donor coordinator. It was 11:45, she was on the phone with someone else. I left a message, and less than a minute later she called me back. I had had what I’d hoped was my last P4 blood draw that am, and was hoping to never set foot in the office again, but when she asked me if I wanted to come in for an ultrasound the only thing I could say was “how soon.”

It was 90 mins before they could see me, S2 was unable to get out of a meeting he had to lead, and true to form, he was cool as a cucumber. He was convinced that everything was fine, and that the US would  show a happy wiggling baby. I did not feel the same way, everything felt wrong, and I did not have a good feeling.   I texted my BFF, but when I didn’t hear back I figured I’d just go alone… and then I felt the panic set in.

Did I mention that I rarely panic? I finally convinced myself to suck it up and ask a friend to go with me. If I was going to get bad news, I couldn’t hear it alone. All of those scenarios were playing through my head and I just couldn’t do it alone. I called my friend Meg and she said in 10 seconds “I’m on my way”. I ended up picking her up, as it was on my way and we headed over the river to receive my fate. On my way there, my bff Celeste texted me back and asked if she could meet me there.  AMEN.

The three of us huddled in the waiting room, nervous, making small talk. The two of them calm occasionally squeezing my hand to remind me that everything was fine. Finally i was called back, my donor coordinator met me in the hallway and put her arms around me. It pays to have a 4 inch thick file, everyone comes out when your success is threatened. My Doc was in the surgical suite this afternoon so my favorite NP did the ultrasound. I laid down feet in the stirrups and  we got down to business. Meg on one side, Celeste on the other. As soon as they saw a baby on the screen, the two of them burst into tears, but I knew better. I wasn’t going to breathe till I saw a moving baby and a heartbeat.

Blink blink blink blink. A flip of the hand, a wiggle of the foot. And mama can finally breathe.

Measuring 11 w 3 days, 1.9 inches from rump to crown, with a perfect beating heart, wiggling arms and legs, I give you the reason I’m not curled up in a ball on the floor.

She found a subchorionic hematoma  which seems to be the soup du jour for infertiles everywhere. It’s small, will probably resolve with time, and should be  relatively uneventful.  If I have spotting, I should take it easy, bleeding and I go to bed. I’d like the rest of this trip to be boring, normal, regular. I’ve paid my dues. I’m not asking for much, am I?


~ by zeneggs on January 31, 2012.

3 Responses to “Hello, can I get a hall pass, please?”

  1. The prettiest picture I’ve seen in years, hands down.

  2. What a beautiful pic! That was so nice of your friends to go with you. So happy the little one is doing well!

  3. SCH is a fucker.

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