What I want

3rd beta day. My Dr.’s office is closed from 12-1 so if you haven’t gotten a call at noon, you don’t have to worry till 1. Unless he decides to call you on his lunch break cause you have a 7 inch thick file and he knows you’ve been through the ringer.

12:15 whilst texting with husband about how I’m nervous about this beta and he thinks it’s going to be 568 (to be precise), the phone rings with an unknown number, which only means it’s my doc. Of course it’s him, not the nurse which fills me with instant dread.

489. My 3rd beta is 489. Rising at a rate of 1.5. Good enough, he says. “You’re not out of the woods but it’s good enough, and I will say congratulations”.  He says I can do repeat betas every 2 days if I want, if it will help me sleep at night.

Honestly? nothing will help me sleep at night. What do I want? I want to know this is going to result in a take home baby. I want to not spend christmas fretting over whether or not this is going to result in ultimate failure. I want to not feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wanted to get a call that my numbers were stellar and that they’d see me in two weeks. Instead I got a ‘good enough’ and ‘not out of the woods’.

I know, I did the math. my first double was over 62hours and the second was 55. It’s speeding up. I know it’s within a normal limit for take home babies. I know. I also know that anything can happen, and I don’t have the best track record you know?

So, I’m going by the old adage that the original infertility bloggers coined: NBBHY. Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet.

That’s good enough, right?


S2 wants to do the repeat beta on Friday.  I’m on the fence but will do it. shit, I’ll do it every other day till the ultrasound if i have to, to remain sane.



~ by zeneggs on December 14, 2011.

3 Responses to “What I want”

  1. NBIGH. Love you.

  2. Taking a deep breath for you & sending it to you with lots of love. One breath at a time. NBHHY xoxo

  3. wait, lemme look at those embryos again. okay. feeling good. sending my prayers straight to your mama heart tonight ❤

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