Second beta, commence freak out

I woke up confident that it was all going to be awesome and easy. I was going to top 300, piece of cake, and move on the big leagues. I was going to sail through the day, I wasn’t very anxious about the call at all. And then the roof caved in.

Our office is closed from 12-1, so if you haven’t gotten a call before noon, you’ve got a break for an hour. At 11:55 I was finishing with my last patient before my lunch break when I heard the phone ring. Two minutes later it rang again. I finally shoved  ushered my patient out the door and ran for the phone. The first message sounded like this:

Hi CE, it’s nurse Hilary. Dr. M wants to discuss the results of today’s beta with you, can you please call us back?

BREATHE. THIS MUST BE SHITTY NEWS. BREATHE. there is no other reason for the big guy to want to discuss it with you directly than “oh, by the way your fucking monster of a uterus ate two more embryos”

The next message sounded like this (to my clearly freaking out ears):

Hi CE? It’s dr. M. Your beta numbers came back at 267, doubled at a rate of blah blah blah. ON THE LOW END (of normal). so I want to do a repeat beta on Wednesday and if that is still doubling then we’ll schedule your 6.5 week ultrasound.

Commence freak out. All I heard was on the low end (of normal) and a 3rd repeat beta. My brain immediately went into this is the beginning of the end, AGAIN, mode. I called S2 and told him, that it had doubled, but not in 48 hours, it was less than 72 but that’s not perfect and I expected it to be awesome, and now I’m sad and frustrated and… etc.

It was now 12:04 and I had an hour to wait before the office reopened. Resume freak out. Google beta hCG calculators,  text with multiple friends, post to infertile bitches group. Get supported and rallied by the girls, as husband texts that it’s all gonna be fine.

I listen to the message again, and hear more clearly that it’s NORMAL. Oh my crazy brain. I know these things. Have you seen my 7 inch thick file? It’s not my first time at the rodeo Virginia, but my crazy brain didn’t listen.

Apparently I’m so good at failing I don’t know how to succeed at this, even though I have succeeded at this. At 1:05 I call the office and speak to my donor coordinator about any med changes. I mention that Dr. M’s message kinda made me worry cause I’ve never had to come back for a 3rd beta and that I’ve got a 62 hour not 48 hour doubling time… and she reassured me that it was all good. That he wanted a 3rd beta because he wants to keep a close eye on me, that some times he wants a 3rd one when someone has a history like mine. Someone who has a 7 inch thick chart.

I guess it pays to be a veteran. It does not, however, pay to have a history of early loss and get a voicemail from your doctor wanting more tests.

Repeat beta in 2 days. Can I please get something over 600?

 

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~ by zeneggs on December 13, 2011.

7 Responses to “Second beta, commence freak out”

  1. Thinking of and praying for you. Come on 600+!!

  2. I have read about betas that didn’t double or the doubling time was more than 48 hours (like a lot more) and they resulted in a real live baby. In fact, another blogger I know actually had her beta drop in a crazy 2 down to 1 pregnancy and she just had a healthy baby boy. Sooooooo, no B.S. here, but “normal” sounds great and I think it’s awesome your doc wants to do another beta. I practically begged for betas along the way. Not to mention a beta of 267 at 10 or 11 dp5dt is a great number.

  3. I’ll keep focusing on that happy number, and envisioning happy ultrasounds. 🙂 good to read the whole story, you certainly had me on a roller coaster … but, it’s brilliant, just brilliant, to hear that simple word “good.” things are good. sigh. okay. one day at a time. 🙂

  4. Oh man I am sorry. I dont know if you remember, but I had to have a FOURTH beta since my progesterone levels were so low.

    Baby is a lazy turd according to some folks, but he is still my Take Home Baby.

    NORMAL.

  5. Teehee, infertile bitches group. You so got this, girl. Bring on zee betas!!!

  6. So glad the number is good. I don’t know anything about beta numbers so I got a little scared while I was reading. So happy to hear positive feedback from others about the number. Hoping and praying it is above 600 on the next beta!

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