Leaning in

I’m not a fool. I know damn well that two lines or a digital test that says PREGNANT does not mean come next August I’ll have a take home baby. No, it means that for right now, in this very moment, I am pregnant. I have to get a nice strong beta tomorrow, a good rising level on Monday and then two weeks from now, see a heartbeat on the ultrasound.

And I know that even that does not guarantee me a take home baby. Then I have to get through the first trimester, and hope that (like with BoC) I don’t have bleeding episodes in the second trimester. Then we hope to make it to a viable 24 weeks and then after that there is still no guarantee of a take home baby. I have known people who have had every possible horrible scenario happen and I know that any one of those can happen to me.

But you know what? I’m not going to sit in that place. My fears can rear their ugly heads and I will breathe in peace and blow them away like bubbles in the sun. Today, I am pregnant and I’m going to lean into this wonderful truth and let the weight of it lay on me like a heavy quilt that was hand stitched by someones grandmother.  I’m going to lean into this feeling and be joyous. I’m going to lean into this feeling and let it consume me for a while.

Today, I am pregnant. Not pregnant until proven otherwise, but honest to goodness PREGNANT.  Hells yes!


~ by zeneggs on December 9, 2011.

4 Responses to “Leaning in”

  1. That’s right. Today you are pregnant!

  2. Hi I found you on the blog roundup. What a crazy IVF you had! Congratulations on being pregnant! Keeping you and the little emby in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. I found you through Mel’s Blog Roundup. I read that post and cried like she did. Then I read this post. Then I read your “new girl” post. Then I pretty much read all your posts. I think I’ll stick around if that’s okay with you.

    And congratulations on your pregnancy!

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