Achey breaky heart.

I hate this part. Waiting to bleed. The hormone dump. The mood swings and hot flashes. The crushing anxiety and the flowing tears. The moments of wishing the blood test was wrong and you’re still actually pregnant.

Tomorrow I’ll call and schedule the WTF meeting with Dr. M and we’ll plan our FET for October. I need a normal cycle, a break from whoremones a rest. I need to get away to the ocean for a couple of nights and drink wine and cry.

And then I’m back at it, bitches. This is how I roll. I can’t get mired in the pain, the loss, the grief. I cry and then I move on, gear up to get back in the game.

But oh how my heart aches. All I wanted for my birthday was to be pregnant. I should have been more specific. I hate this part.


~ by zeneggs on August 18, 2011.

2 Responses to “Achey breaky heart.”

  1. I just got my negative beta as well and am scared about this month’s period. Between the heavier flow and the hormone dump I’m sure I’ll be a joy to be around. So sorry this cycle didn’t work for you or for me. Infertility sucks!

  2. Achey Breaky Heart. Sucks. Perfect way to describe it.

    Infertility/miscarriage can kiss my ass. Even sitting here with a 4 week old baby in my arms, the emotions you are surely feeling are welling up in me, too. Fear, anger, disappointment, PISSED THE HELL OFF.

    7 years of babies with birth defects, miscarriages, exploding tubes, hysterectomies and everything else will make me NEVER forget the hell that is infertility.

    And, friend, when you’re on the glorious other side, I’ll be there, waiting and we’ll tell infertility to kiss our hairy asses.

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