Hang on little tomato

I woke up this morning with a fresh batch of anxiety about our choice to only transfer one. And then the phone rang, with the embryologist calling to tell me our embryo count. Eight. Of 16, only 8 made it to day 5. This is why when she called me 6 years ago to tell me my fert/embyro count she was so shocked. ((at 34 the retireved 14 eggs, 13 fertilized and at day 5 we had 8)). These numbers are normal and good. We should have embies in the freezer come tomorrow.

But I realized I don’t want to do this again. I want to be done. I want success. I am SO OVER sticking needles in my belly and butt. SO over it. I just want to move on with the next phase. So we started talking (in a panic) about transferring two.  My mind was all over town trying to figure out what to do, so I set about hanging the paper cranes over my bed for my 2 days of bed rest. We didn’t make it to 1000, only 500, but damn, that’s a lot and you know? my heart is full from the sheer numbers of friends who pitched in to get us where we are. I hung them from the ceiling above my bed, my mom helping, and when we finished we realized that they were all touching, intertwined, just like all of the people who don’t know each other (and some who barely know me) who contributed to this hopeful wish come true.

When I finished hanging them, I laid down on my bed and wept. Love surrounds me in every corner.

Off we went to the transfer. We checked in with our acupuncturist who is a wonderful friend and has been at every transfer. Once I was laid up and filled with water and needles Dr M and the embryologist came in to discuss. My fave embryologist, she’s british, has the sweetest accent and I always want to hug her. She was so happy to see us (haha, of course, we buy her new cars every year) and told us how beautiful our embryos are. I asked Dr. M what our chances of twins are if we transfer two.

65%. If we transfer two, we have a 75-85% chance of pregnancy and of that, a 65% chance of twins. If we transfer one we have a 65-75% chance of pregnancy. They said that at this point most people transfer two. The embryologist said that in the hundreds of donor cycles they have done they have maybe had 50-75 single embryo transfers. Ryan and I just looked at each other.  Many other things were said then they gave us a minute to decide. We so wanted to be DONE, we want this to work. But… so we followed my friend Miriam’s advice. We closed our eyes and went with our gut. As soon as we decided my heart stopped pounding out of my chest and I knew it was right.

When i was on the table, legs in stirrups with 47 instruments up in my business he looked up and said “I think you made the right choice”.  Then I looked up at the monitor to see a picture of my uterus’ new occupant.

Now I’m home, nestled under my canopy of cranes with a big glass of water and a huge bowl of grapes hoping this little tomato decides to hang on.

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~ by zeneggs on August 3, 2011.

8 Responses to “Hang on little tomato”

  1. I hope you left room in your crane canopy. You’ll need it.

    I love you. Snuggle in little tomato. ❤ ❤ ❤

  2. That is one BEAUTIFUL embie!

    Much love to you, darling. ❤

  3. It’s a tough decision for sure but I’m happy you feel good about your choice. Oh, and I’m very jealous that you got two sessions of acupuncture and valium. None of that for me. Just in and out and walked myself to the car. My beta isn’t until the 17th, weird huh?

  4. Get to burrowing, tiny veggie-fruit! I’m so excited for you and this cycle and all your love-cranes keeping watch from above. Love you, woman. Now get some rest. ❤

  5. Welcome home little embryo! Enjoy all the fresh pineapple you can bear to eat. I shudder just thinking of it.

    Seven in the freezer is pretty spectacular. And dont forget they are donor embryos, the envy of all embryos. When you are ready for baby number three, you wont be starting all over. The hard part is over.

    I send 500 virtual paper cranes.

    • Baby #3. You must be high on donor egg fumes.

      BABY #3 hahahahahaha. On no mama, this will be it. Mama wants out of the game. (you can make me eat my shoe in a few years if I change my mind.)

  6. Um…seriously.

    SERIOUSLY…………………………..

    I really don’t even have words. Just don’t even have words.
    .
    Those cranes, this journal entry.

    Come on, little tomato… 🙂
    Oh what I wouldn’t do to give you a big hug. And I can SO relate to wanting it to work and being DONE and being out of the game. My uterus is hanging out in a trash dump somewhere….

    And, let me just say…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK.

    I am done with my comments…for now.

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