Treading water

When we made the decision to go DE, it was shockingly easy. Our doc (whom we’ve worked with for 7 years) said “If you just want one last hurrah, use your own eggs. If you want a take home baby, you should consider donor eggs.” And that was that.  Not a lot of hemming and hawing. We want another baby, this is how it’s going to happen.

It’s not that I didn’t think through it, it’s just that I didn’t perseverate on the specifics. Hoooboy. Now I am.

This child will never look like me. I’ll never look into her or his eyes and see myself. I’ll never compare his or her baby pictures to mine and see a resemblance. Her laugh won’t sound like mine, he won’t have a freckle on his lip like I do. She won’t wrinkle her nose right before she laughs.

This child will never look like me.  Quite a bit to wrap my head around.

 

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~ by zeneggs on July 25, 2011.

6 Responses to “Treading water”

  1. I don’t know this to be true, but I think it may surprise you how much your baby is like you just by virtue of being your baby. Maybe not the same eyes, but the same laugh, the same mannerisms? Altogether possible. Don’t forget the immense amount of nurture in all of our natures. Heredity may be a factor, but I think a lot of the reason I have teacher handwriting like my mom’s or a sense of humor like my dad’s is that they raised me. And your take-home baby will be yours from the moment it sets cell in your ute. Of course there’s a lot of heavy in this, but I think there’s also a lot of belonging.

  2. I’ve been where you are and I too had to mourn the loss of my own genetics. I wrote about it here http://findmynewnormal.blogspot.com/2011/02/sometimes-you-just-need-good-cry.html and thought perhaps it would help to share my thoughts with you. It’s a big decision, one that I’m happy to have made. I’m about a week and half away from my transfer now, yikes!

    Good luck with everything! I can’t wait to see how you get on.

  3. Howdy there, having just given birth to my DE baby (5 weeks). I have found that I have spent some time looking for what is different. His eyes? Blue, how did that happen? I have hazel eyes donor has brown eyes. After thinking, my grandmother has blue eyes, so even my genetic son could have had blue eyes. He yawns the same way my daughter does. He also does not have my funny little toe that curves under the one next to it, but I hate that toe! He has beautiful ears, like perfect shells. Long fingers and toes, just like my girl. He has the most beautiful lips, not from me! He is perfect, and he is mine. I made him, I nourished him in my belly and I am doing so now.

    During my pregnancy I had concerns and questions about how this would play out. So much that I stopped blogging. I wished I had reached out more, I thnink most DE mamas feel this way and have these same questions. My advice. question away, knowing you heart will be complete in the end.

  4. I wanted to let you know, I have changed my blog to
    http://allthingsdtol.wordpress.com/
    I am not too public about our use of DE and some posts may be password protected with donorbaby as the password, or if I am complaining about my mother!

  5. I have a baby who is Baby Rocco. People with less tact literally freak out how much Toddlerina looks like Rocco. It drove me crazy when she was first born… and the following 2 years.

    Sometimes genetics do not offer a damn thing. It makes for good jokes now that my babies have never looked like me but it is a sad passage.

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