Alone in a sea of everyone.

See, here’s the problem. I’ve never kept a cycle in the dark before. I’ve always had many people know exactly what was happening and when.  I wasn’t only out about my infertility, I was out about my cycles. Now… I’m in. VERY in. I have a few online friends (who know me in real life) who know what is happening and when, and a couple of local friends who know but they are busy and have complicated lives. My parents know and my mother in law knows but thats it.

People know we’re doing a cycle, but all I tell them is: “it’ll be over by summers end, if you don’t hear anything, don’t ask me any questions.” People care, they are cheering me on, but I just feel so alone.  I’m used to shouting to the rooftops what is happening, how many follicles I’m growing and what the fert count is. I’m used to having friends check in all the time about how I’m feeling and what’s happening, I’m not used to keeping it this close to the vest.

I’m starting to feel the anxiety of this cycle, I’m a little depressed and I’m lonely.

It sucks.


~ by zeneggs on July 20, 2011.

3 Responses to “Alone in a sea of everyone.”

  1. Oh momma. I love you. I know it’s hard to keep it close to the vest. You’re so strong and so amazing and no matter what we’ve got you through all of it. You’re not alone, no matter how much it feels like you are.

    ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

  2. I’m here if you wanna talk lady. I don’t really get on AIM much these days but you can find me on g-chat. I’ve been cheering you on. I even downloaded google reader for my phone so I could keep track on vacation. ❤

  3. You know, The Others just don’t really get it anyhow. Unless your sperm, eggs or uterus sucks, you really just don’t get it. Even my own family would shank a couple shots in the day. Why does it feel so isolating then? Just more salt for the wound I guess.

    We hear you and we get it. Freak out w us. Freak is our specialty.

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